Character Trait~ Boldness

BOLDNESS

Biblical Character Trait~Discretion

Character Trait

Discretion

Discretion keeps our minds and focus on sound judgment, giving serious attention and thought to what is going on. It will carefully choose our words, attitudes, and actions to be right for any given situation, thus avoiding words and actions that could result in adverse consequences. (Psalm 112:5; Proverbs 22:3; Rom.12: 2, 9; 14:19, 22)

www.discipleshiptools.org

Top Ten Mistakes Christian Parents of Teens Make~Jeff Strong

It might be difficult for some parents to read through, but here’s a top ten list that I’ve been wanting to write for a while. Over the next several days I’ll be expanding on each of these in succession, but for now, here is my top ten mistakes Christian parents of teens make:

10. Not spending time with your teen.

A lot of parents make the mistake of not spending time with their teens because they assume their teens don’t want to spend time with them! While that’s true in some contexts, teens still want and need “chunks” of one-on-one time with parents. Despite the fact that teens are transitioning into more independence and often carry a “I don’t need/want you around” attitude, they are longing for the securing and grounding that comes from consistent quality time.

Going for walks together, grabbing a coffee in order to “catch up,” going to the movies together, etc., all all simple investments that teens secretly want and look forward to. When you don’t carve out time to spend with your teen, you’re communicating that you’re not interested in them, and they internalize that message, consciously or unconsciously.

9. Letting your teen’s activities take top priority for your family.

The number of parents who wrap their lives/schedules around their teen’s activities is mind-boggling to me. I honestly just don’t get it. I know many parents want to provide their children with experiences and opportunities they never had growing up, but something’s gone wrong with our understanding of family and parenting when our teen’s wants/”needs” are allowed to overwhelm the family’s day-to-day routines.

Parents need to prioritize investing in their relationship with God (individually and as a couple), themselves and each other, but sadly all of these are often neglected in the name of “helping the kids get ahead.” “Don’t let the youth sports cartel run your life,” says Jen singer, author of You’re A Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren’t So Bad Either). I can’t think of many good reasons why families can’t limit teens to one major sport/extra-curricular activity per season. Not only will a frenetic schedule slowly grind down your entire family of time, you’ll be teaching your teen that “the good life” is a hyper-active one. That doesn’t align itself to Jesus’ teaching as it relates to the healthy rhythms of prayer, Sabbath, and down-time, all of which are critical to the larger Christian task of “seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33).

8. Spoiling your teen.

We are all tempted to think that loving our kids means doing all we can to ensure they have all the opportunities and things we didn’t have growing up. This is a terrible assumption to make. It leads to an enormous amount of self-important, petty, and ungrateful kids. A lot of the time parents are well-intentioned in our spoiling, but our continual stream of money and stuff causes teens to never be satisfied and always wanting more. Your teen doesn’t need another piece of crap, what he needs is time and attention from you (that’s one expression of spoiling that actually benefits your teen!).

There are two things that can really set you back in life if we get them too early:

a. Access to too much money.
b. Access to too many opportunities.

Parents need to recognize they’re doing their teens a disservice by spoiling them in either of these ways. Save the spoiling for the grandkids.

7. Permissive parenting.

“Whatever” — It’s not just for teens anymore! The devil-may-care ambivalence that once defined the teenage subculture has now taken root as parents shrug their shoulders, ask, “What can you do?” and let their teens “figure things out for themselves.” I think permissive parenting (i.e., providing little direction, limits, and consequences) is on the rise because many parents don’t know how to dialogue with and discipline their children. Maybe parents don’t have any limits of boundaries within their own life, so they don’t know how to communicate the value of these to their teen. Maybe it’s because they don’t want to, because their own self-esteem is too tied up in their child’s perception of them, and they couldn’t handle having their teen get angry at them for actually trying to parent. Maybe it’s because many parents feel so overwhelmed with their own issues, they can hardly think of pouring more energy into a (potentially) taxing struggle or point of contention.

Whatever the reason, permissive parenting is completely irreconcilable with a Christian worldview. I certainly do not advocate authoritarian parenting styles, but if we practice a permission parenting style we’re abdicating our God-given responsibility to provide guidance, nurture, limits, discipline and consequences to our teen (all of which actually help our teen flourish long-term).

6. Trying to be your teen’s best friend.

Your teen doesn’t need another friend (they have plenty); they need a parent. Even through their teens, your child needs a dependable, confident, godly authority figure in their life. As parents we are called to provide a relational context characterized by wisdom, protection, love, support, and empowerment. As Christian parents we’re called to bring God’s flourishing rule into our family’s life. That can’t happen if we’re busy trying to befriend our teen. Trying to be your teen’s friend actually cheats them out of having these things in their lives.

Sometimes parents think that a strong relationship with their teen means having a strong friendship—but there’s a fine line that shouldn’t be crossed. You should befriendly to your teen but you shouldn’t be your teen’s friend. They have lots of friends, they only have one or two parents—so be the parent your teen needs you to be.

5. Holding low expectations for your teen.

Johann Goethe once wrote, “Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat as man as he can and should be, and he become as he can and should be.” All of us rise to the unconcious level of expectation we set for ourselves and perceive from others. During the teenage years, it’s especially important to slowly put to death the perception that your teen is still “a kid.” They are emerging leaders, and if you engage them as such, you will find that over time, they unconsciously take on this mantle for themselves. Yes, your teen can be moody, self-absorbed, irresponsible, etc., but your teen can also be brilliant, creative, selfless, and mature. Treating them like “kids” will reinforce the former; treating them as emerging leaders will reinforce the latter.

For an example of how the this difference in perspective plays out, I’ve written an article entitled “The Future of an Illusion” which is available as a free download from www.meredisciple.com (in the Free Downloads section). It specifically looks at my commitment to be involved in “emerging church ministry” as opposed to “youth ministry,” and it you may find some principles within it helpful.

4. Not prioritizing youth group/church involvement.

This one is one of my personal pet peeves (but not just because this is my professional gig). I simply do not understand parents who expect and want their kids to have a dynamic, flourishing faith, and yet don’t move heaven and earth to get them connected to both a youth group and local church.

I’m going to let everyone in on a little secret: no teenager can thrive in their faith without these two support mechanisms. I’m not saying a strong youth group and church community is all they need, but what I am saying that you can have everything else you think your teen needs, but without these two things, don’t expect to have a spiritually healthy and mature teen. Maybe there are teens out there who defy this claim, but honestly, I can’t think of one out of my own experience. As a parent, youth group and church involvement should be a non-negotiable part of your teen’s life, and that means they take priority over homework (do it the night before), sports, or any other extra-curricular commitments.

Don’t be the parent who is soft on these two commitments, but pushes their kid in schooling, sports, etc. In general, what you sow into determines what you reap; if you want to reap a teenager who has a genuine, flourishing faith, don’t expect that to happen if you’re ok with their commitment to youth group/church to be casual and half-hearted.

3. Outsourcing your teen’s spiritual formation.

While youth group and church is very important, another mistake I see Christian parents make is assuming them can completely outsource the spiritual development of their child to these two things. I see the same pattern when it comes to Christian education: parents sometimes choose to send their children/teens to Christian schools, because by doing so they think they’ve done their parental duty to raise their child in a godly way.

As a parent–and especially if you are a Christian yourself–YOU are THE key spiritual role model and mentor for your teen. And that isn’t “if you want to be” either–that’s the way it is. Ultimately, you are charged with teaching and modelling to your teen what follow Jesus means, and while church, youth groups, Christian schools can be a support to that end, they are only that: support mechanisms.

Read Deuteronomy 6 for an overview of what God expects from parents as it relates to the spiritual nurture and development of their children. (Hint: it’s doesn’t say, “Hand them off to the youth pastor and bring them to church on Sunday.”)

2. Not expressing genuine love and like to your teen.

It’s sad that I have to write this one at all, but I’m convinced very few Christian parents actually express genuine love and “like” to their teen. It can become easy for parents to only see how their teen is irresponsible, failing, immature, etc., and become a harping voice instead of an encouraging, empowering one.

Do you intentially set aside time to tell your teen how much you love and admire them? Do you write letters of encouragement to them? Do you have “date nights” where you spend time together and share with them the things you see in them that you are proud of?

Your teen won’t ask you for it, so don’t wait for an invitation. Everyday say something encouraging to your teen that builds them up (they get enough criticism as it is!). Pray everyday for them and ask God to help you become one of the core people in your teen’s life that He uses to affirm them.

1. Expecting your teen to have a devotion to God that you are not
cultivating within yourself.

When I talk to Christian parents, it’s obvious that they want their teen to have a thriving, dynamic, genuine, life-giving faith. What isn’t so clear, however, is whether that parent has one themselves. When it comes to the Christian faith, most of the time what we learn is caught and not taught. This means that even if you have the “right answers” as a parent, if you’re own spiritual walk with God is pathetic and stilted, your teen will unconciously follow suit. Every day you are teaching your teach (explicitely and implicitely) what discipleship to Jesus looks like “in the flesh.”

What are they catching from you? Are you cultivating a deep and mature relationship with God personally, or is your Christian parenting style a Christianized version of “do as I say, not as I do”?

While having a healthy and maturing discipleship walk as a parent does not garauntee your teen will follow in your footsteps, expecting your teen to have a maturing faith while you follow Jesus “from a distance” is an enormous mistake.

You are a Christian before you are a Christian parent (or any other role). Get real with God, share your own struggles and hypocrisy with your entire family, and maybe then God will begin to use your example in a positive and powerful way.

To order a copy of Mere Disciple: a spiritual guide for emerging leaders, click here.

Source Below

http://meredisciple.com/blog/2010/06/top-ten-mistakes-christian-parents-of-teens-make/

Weekly Journal Tuesday

For Today

 It has been a challenging time in my life but I am taking steps to move forward every day. 

Outside my window......Beautiful crisp fall day- Sunny

I am thinking............I can't wait to have a coffee tonight!

Church.............We are in the 6th week of Sunday School classes that parallel what Blake is learning in Sunday School. It is neat to see that our own Bible lessons are on the same topics. We have been challenged to work on the things we learn during the week and then we discuss how it went in class. 

Family...... 

We are adjusting to this area. We have had many challenges but I am still hopeful we will make friends and this will begin to feel like home. It has been a blessing to be closer to our family now. We have had several family members come to visit, in fact almost every weekend for the past couple months. 

From The Learning Rooms....

Austen

some of his photos

Photography

(thank you Grandma Shaun for leaving us your camera to use)

At the park with the family

"Umm...really MOM?"

Blake

Report on Koalas

 Daily Grams

QUOTE

Amid trials hard, temptations strong, and troubles constant, true faith is persevering faith.

Author Unknown

I am thankful for:  a new day with renewed strength, funds to purchase 2 new tires for our car, answered prayer (grandma had 3 mo cancer check- no cancer!)

From The Kitchen... Hamburgers

I am reading..... Bible

I am creating:  nothing this week ;)

I am praying.... My marriage, finances, Austen- a good friend,

new godly friendships, growth in my spiritual walk,

friends & family who have cancer, friends who are hurting, ect...

Around the house .... cleaning, cleaning, never ending cleaning...

New.....We started the Dave Ramsey financial series. So far we have had 2 budget meeting. Blake started KIX on Sundays from 4-5:30

A few plans for the week...

Austen youth group Tuesday from 7:30-9:00

Blake practice Tue-Thurs 5:30-7:15

Homeschool Mom Night out Tue 6:00-8:00

Game Day Saturday 9:00 am

Church- Sunday 9:00-12:00

KIX (Kids In Christ) 4:00-5:30

Happy Trails....

BLAST FROM THE PAST

Grady & Blake 

2011

Tuesday Journal 9-18-12

 For Today

Outside my window......the dark sky

I am thinking............Coffee is sounding so good.

From The Learning Rooms....

Austen

Bible ~ How Wisdom Acts

Spanish~ Seasons & Months Of The Year

Math~Khan Academy SAT Prep

Science~ Systems of the Body

History~Government

Life Management~Resume Writing

Spelling~ SAT Prep

Writing~ SAT Prep

Blake

Bible~ Daily Challenge:

Psalm 84:10

"Choose a way you'll remember to trust God instead of complaining"

Math~ T.T 5 & Daily Warm ups

English~  Review parts of speech

Science~ The Human Body 'Nervous System'

Spanish~ Months of the Year

Writing~ History of Chewing Gum

History~ Geography 

I am thankful for:  God providing for last week, a renewed energy, healthy children, and a very hard working husband!

From The Kitchen... Crock Pot Night

I am reading..... Proverbs Fountain of Life

I am creating:  New Website 

brwaau.wix.com/branmadetags.com

Where I can organize my tags

I am praying.... For Austen to learn the true freedom in forgiveness,

For Blake to learn the difference between our wants and our needs,

Funds for 4 new tires on the Tahoe, 

New godly friendships, growth in my spiritual walk,

Friends who have cancer

Around the house .... Flea bombing today, getting ready for company to get here Thursday.

A few plans for the week

Haircuts

Football Pics

Football Practice Tue-Thurs 5:30-7:15

Family Coming-  Thursday through Sunday

Teaching Our Children The True Meaning Of Christmas

The stores are full of shoppers, hoping to find that perfect gift, and houses are decorated with

Christmas Deco. You can feel it in the air, and hear the excitement in your children's voices.

My kids love this time of year. My concern is do our children truly

know the meaning of Christmas? For them is it giving OR receiving?

Here are some ideas to help teach our

children that the TRUE JOY comes from giving.

1. Visit a Homeless Shelter & Bring a gift

2. Make Christmas Cards and take them to a retirement home.

3. Get a group together and go sing at a old folks home

4. Get a Giving paper from a local mall for a needy child and have your children pick out the gift to give.

5. Help a local food bank gather food .

Christian Families

The Christian family was the bulwark of godliness in the days of the Puritans; but in these evil times hundreds of families of so-called Christians have no family worship, no restraint upon growing sons, and no wholesome instruction or discipline. See how the families of many professors are as dressy, as godless as the children of the non-religious! How can we hope to see the Kingdom of our Lord advance when His own disciples do not teach His gospel to their own sons and daughters?

~C.H Spurgeon

Is Your Home A Refuge?

An ideal Christian home ought to be a place where love rules. It ought to be beautiful, bright, joyous, full of tenderness and affection, a place in which all are growing happier and holier each day. There should never be any discord, any wrangling, any angry words or bitter feelings. The home-life should be a harmonious song without one marring note, day after day. The home, no matter how humble it is, how plain, how small – should be the dearest spot on the earth to each member of the family. It should be made so happy a place, and so full of life, that no matter where one may wander in after years, in any of the ends of the earth – his home should still hold its invisible cords of influence about him, and should ever draw resistless upon his heart. It ought to be the one spot in all the earth, to which he would turn first, when in trouble or in danger. It should be his refuge, in every trial and grief.

J.R. MillerHomemaking, 1882.

Teaching godly character traits # 8

SELF-CONTROL

VS

SELF-INDULGENCE

Instant obediance to the initial prompting of God's Spirit

Gal 5:24-25

And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Wednesday Funnies ;)

Acting Up In Church

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

Teaching godly character traits #7 Alertness

ALERTNESS

VS

UNAWARENESS

Being aware of that which is taken place around me so that I can have the right response.

Mark 14:38

Teaching godly character traits # 6

Forgiveness

VS

Rejection

Verse: Ephesians 4:32

Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and allowing God to love them through me.

Teaching godly character traits # 5

Boldness Vs Fearfulness

Confidence that what I have to say or do is true and right and just in the sight of God.

Acts 4:29

Teaching godly Character traits #4

Definition Virtue

A virtuous course of thought ; virtue, moral goodness

any particular moral excellence, as modesty, purity.

The moral excellence and purity of spirit that radiate from my life as I obey God's word.

There is nothing better as a mom to see our children walking in the truth!

Teaching godly character traits # 3

SINCERITY

VS

HYPOCRISY

Eagerness to do what is right with transparent motives.

1 Peter 1:22

Seeing you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit
unto unfeigned love of the brethren , see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:

If we walk in the flesh we will not be able to fulfill this....Remember "obeying the TRUTH through the SPIRIT"

Thankfully if we are 'saved' then we have the Spirit, the Bible calls us to 'walk in the Spirit, and we will not fulfill the lust of the flesh'

Teaching godly character traits #2

OBEDIENCE

VS

WILLFULNESS

Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority.

2 Corinthians 10:5

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obediance of Christ.

Teaching godly character traits # 1

TRUTHFULNESS

VS

DECEPTION

Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts

Ephesians 4:25

Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another.

Train Up A Child....Your Duty!

As a parent you have authority because God calls you to be an authority in your child's life. You have the authority to act on behalf of God. As a father or mother, you do not exercise rule over your jurisdiction, but over God's. You act at his command. You discharge a duty that he has given. You may not try to shape the lives of your children as pleases you, but as pleases him.

Lets read how God directed Abraham.

Gen 18:19

For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

As you see here Abraham is on God's errand. He is performing a task on God's agenda. God has called him to these things. He is not freelancing. Abraham does not write his own job description. God defines the task and Abraham acts in God's behalf.

Many times we as parents buy into the world's philosophy of parenting. You are not to be your child's best friend. You are to be a parent in the authority of God. Your job is to train them up as God commanded us to do so.

Personally, I have had to scrap most 'parenting' advice because it was contrary to the Bible! If you were raised in a ungodly home, you must clean out the lies and replace them with the truth, and the truth is found in the Bible.

Making My Home Sing....Meme

Well....finally I think I will join in to this meme, I really enjoy being able to share and also learning from others as well :)

This will be our first week of school after summer break, the kids are both anxious about the new year, wondering what it will bring. I have to be quite honest, I am really nervous about it, because I will be teaching Blake along with Austen all week. Austen tends to like things very quiet and orderly, where as Blake is at the age where he needs to move around and have activity while he is learning. This can make it tough, and Austen gets a bit irritated, so I try and separate them as much as I can.

I think though in order to make my home sing, we must begin each day in prayer, with positive attitudes! You know what ladies, we SET THE TONE in our homes.
Proverbs 31:26
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness

If we are dragging out of bed, unorganized and frazzled, not giving our cares to the Lord and asking his help to get us through, we can make a big mess.
Proverbs 27:15
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

May we remember to wake up in the morning and start our day in prayer and ask God to lead and guide us to teach our children.
Psalms 5:3 My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct [my prayer] unto thee, and will look up.
Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed [is] willing, but the flesh [is] weak. Mat 26:41

Basic Character Traits~Children

For the next 6 weeks or so I want to do a series on Training Children.....the Character Traits that are vital in their Christian upbringing.

Character development must become a most important, and prominent goal in our homes if we are to mold our children for the Lord. You will be able to impliment these traits in your childs life through daily devotions and memorizing scripture with them. We will pick a verse a day to memorize and the we will review at the end of the week we can share our progress.

Please join me in this journey, if you can take a button and place it on your blog I would really appreciate it, as we are in this journey together.

Some Traits We Will Go Over From Birth To Age 6

To Be Attentive

To Be Obedient

To Be Content

To Be Neat

To Be Reverent

To Be Forgiving

To Be Grateful

To Have Faith

To Be Truthful

To Have Right Values

To Be Meek

To Be Unselfish

After going over each of these clearly we will move into the youth to teen years.

Looking forward to it :)

Brandie